On This Day in History: 50 Years Ago John F. Kennedy Declared Himself Bulletproof

Several times the First Lady interrupted the speech to give words of encouragement to the fellating Margaret


June 25, 1963–In a rousing and controversial speech before Congress on this date 50 years ago, President John F. Kennedy announced his intention to launch a new world order in which he would become sole ruler of the planet Earth and the surrounding star systems.

“The time has come to squash the tyranny of communist regimes,” Kennedy bellowed, “And the only way to do that is by finally revealing the full extent of my tremendous power.  I will demonstrate to the world, and to those worlds beyond our own, that I, John Fitzgerald Kennedy, am the one true God.  Armies will fall before me.  No bullet shall be able to pierce my skin.  Now begins my thousand-year reign.”

A shocked Congress, and the public listening on the radio, reacted to the speech with a mixture of cautious optimism and hopeful jubilation, as most Americans believed they were truly under the rule of an immortal deity.  Kennedy had punctuated the power of his words by receiving oral sex from a barely-hidden Ann Margaret behind the lectern where he delivered his now famous speech, as his beloved wife Jaqueline watched approvingly.

“The brazen attitude he displayed is what captured the American imagination,” says Kennedy historian Aldo Mahan, “He was practically daring somebody, anybody, to take a shot at him.  And he was getting head while he said it.  People around the world were impressed.”

Critics of President Kennedy often cite the speech as a primary reason he was assassinated just months later, as his motorcade travelled through Dallas.  But Mahan says his years of research have led him to a different conclusion.

“Sure, he was telling people to shoot him.  Claiming he wouldn’t die,” Mahan says, “But if you could see some of the historical documents I’ve had a chance to study, you might believe he was right.  One version of the coroner’s report I’ve read claims that Kennedy wasn’t shot at all, but that his head spontaneously erupted, due to the sheer enormity of the ideas held tenuously within.”

Mahan also refers to several well-known conspiracy theories, particularly the popular belief that Kennedy wasn’t killed by earth-bound technology at all, but by assassins sent from the planet Fargon, who used unstable anti-matter propulsion gamma ray blasters to penetrate the increasingly powerful Kennedy’s skull.

“My belief is it was either the Fargons,” Mahan says, “Or the KKK.  Kennedy was pretty popular with the black folk.”

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