Is that your review, or are you just happy to see us?
SACRAMENTO—Soon-to-be Pulitzer Prize-winning media critic Alex Schildgen has just completed his masterwork: a glowing review of the hard-hitting, beautifully written internet news titan, Broken World News. The americascomedy.com reviewer takes readers on an edge-of-their seat thrill ride that demands constant self-examination as multiple layers of truth are uncovered and the ultimate importance of the magnificence of the news organization is revealed.
“The review was an intense, emotional roller-coaster,” says Sal Kingfisher, editor in chief of Broken World News, “I was doing a combination of laughing and crying, which I refer to as lying.”
The genius of Schildgen’s review lies not just in his choice of subject, but also his willingness to include links to so many of the news site’s important investigative stories. He also steadfastly refuses to dignify the slanderous rumors that Kingfisher and his staff plied him with cheap wine and ecstasy as he conducted research for the piece. News of the incredible review swept the internet and shook several online news outlets at their very foundations.
“We were told not to come in today,” says Ryan Grim, a reporter for The Huffington Post, “The editorial staff said they were basically going to shut everything down and start over again from the ground up. There’s just no way we can compete with the work that Broken World News is doing.”
Schildgen himself is taking his newfound celebrity in stride, returning to work as usual and offering no comment on the rumors that he is secretly dating wild girl Amanda Bynes.
“It’s all happening pretty fast,” says Schildgen, “I feel like that Puerto Rican guy who just won Powerball. Or was he Honduran? I don’t know, some kind of Mexican.”